For anonymity’s sake, I shall call myself M.
Before I share my story, I just want to let you know that this is not a typical success story of how I retook and excelled the second time. I want to put my story out there for you readers to feel less alone in this treacherous and lonely journey, maybe even learn from my mistakes. After all, life is a never-ending marathon.
To give some context on my educational background, I was once an achiever, topping my classes in primary school. Eventually, I started to get lazy and buy into the “street-smart student” notion, where finding short-cuts, loopholes and predicting exam topics the night before the exam became my new lifestyle. Mugging only at the last moment became the standard for me. Miraculously, I somehow managed to score decent grades during my major exams at the very end of the day, solidifying my belief that I had a ‘success formula’ that would help me ace my exams. At the end of the day, I did somehow get into a pretty good secondary school and JC.
By the time I was enrolled in JC, I was riddled with a multitude of bad student habits that would eventually snowball into an uncontrollable avalanche. I would copy my friend’s homework and would not go through my lectures. To make matters worse, I was taking a daunting subject combination of 4H2s. Somehow, with my ‘success formula,’ I barely made the promo exams for J2. But of course, even lady luck can’t save you from the goliath which was the A levels. I was a mess, to say the least, my grades were tethering on the edge, teachers were running out of patience from hounding me for months ago overdue assignments, lectures were just a blur as I couldn't even understand my previous content, let alone absorb new knowledge. Fast forward to the A levels, I was grasping at straws with my organic chemistry, bio content and every other subject. This of course led to the inevitable failure at the A levels. I didn’t receive a failing grade, so I couldn’t retake my exams in school but the message was crystal clear “no local university will take you in”. I went through every conceivable Reddit post on retaining there was and faced the inevitable conclusion: retake A levels privately or take a gap year. I tried applying and appealing to every university but was eventually rejected. It was really the first time in my life I have ever felt such pain, it was like every single bad decision of mine led to this very single moment of failure. I felt like I failed my teachers, my parents and most importantly, myself.
I thought about it long and hard because my parents were not supportive of the idea of retaking. In the end, I used my own savings to retake the A levels.
Okay, maybe this is where you expect things to turn better but it doesn’t, it really doesn’t. Life proved to me that if you don’t plan, you are at the mercy of a storm. I wasn’t sure on what combinations to take, how to study, whether I had to retake my practical (at first I was convinced that I didn’t have to and found out like 2 months before the practical that it was compulsory). Just to list my biggest obstacle, I had to take on a completely new subject - H2 Economics.
This part is probably the most relevant to you readers who are retakers. Here is my advice from the get-go: Decide if you want to retake very early (June’s late but it's okay - just be sure of your decision). Start getting all the help you can get from either tuition or friends that are very disciplined and are good at teaching. Trust me, the longer you wait, the more harm it does to your progress.
Probably the most important advice I can give to you is that - there is never a tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes, if you have to sacrifice your social life, family time or your personal gaming/Instagram time. Do it. Get sufficient sleep (note that I didn’t say to sacrifice sleep because your body must be optimal to study and compromising your health is a definite no) Everything your mind should be set on is your studies for these few months to come.
The mental health aspect for me was definitely the trickiest since my parents from the get-go were not supportive of my retaking. I was facing so much anxiety and pressure ever since the A levels and I had several anxiety attacks at night. I knew I needed professional help to tackle this problem. I started working with a therapist and honestly getting a professional felt different and I would highly recommend this for anyone who feels like they cannot calibrate their emotions during this period and need an anchor that is unbiased.
In the end, the variables thrown at me seemed to overpower my perseverance and I actually scored around the same RP as when I did for the first time. It sucks, it really does. I applied to NUS, NTU, SMU, SUSS, SIT and was rejected by all of them. So far I'm waiting for my appeal decisions. I also tried applying to the UK and was successful in one out of five of the universities, that was a small win for me and something you can consider also because overseas universities have different criteria for entry. I’m currently still on the fence about going overseas.
At the very end of this, I just want to let you know that life really has no shortcuts. Don’t try to cheat life because ultimately, you’re cheating yourself. Of course, wherever you are now in life, whatever you’re struggling with. Accept that this is YOUR situation and you have to continue living and working with it. There is no reset button, there is no hero that is going to save you because your struggle is unique to you.
I admit my story does not have a satisfying ending but that’s just life. My situation can only be explained through the accumulation of the bad choices I have made and this is the natural consequence.
If you feel disheartened, just know that I really don’t regret this experience at the end of the day. I gained so much more during this year of my life than I ever did. One thing that makes retakers stand out is our courage to try something that has no guarantee of succeeding. We take the very risk that many others fear and we are going against society’s norms to take another shot at getting out results.
I have been rejected so far by universities 13 times so you’re not alone in this journey. I know how the anxiety-inducing nights of mugging feel, the constant paranoia that this will be all for nothing. I hope that this website we created can provide you with any support you need and you feel less alone in your journey. Feel free to reach out to me or anyone on this website for anything, even if you just need someone to talk to to get through this journey.